I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
