she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
