I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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