I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
