So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
