I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i barfeds in our rink
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
