I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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