I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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