I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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