Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
