He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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