Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
