Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
