We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
