i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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