I got her a Nickelback box set.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
