I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
