Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
