if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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