Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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