Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
a search helicopter?!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
