just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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