from now on my penis is your penis
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
