You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
