So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
