last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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