its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Congratulations! We have a period
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