Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
