I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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