A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
