I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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