apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize