This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
