I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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