I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
