I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
