I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
