Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
