So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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