if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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