Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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