I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
