um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
