I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
