you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
