forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
