I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
