If that was your dad, he is hot
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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