If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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