i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
