Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
