i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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