True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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