I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
