I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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