I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
