He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
