Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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