That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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