I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
