I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
