Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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