She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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