i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
