Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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