how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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