That's when you crack a 10am beer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
