I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
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She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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