My sheets look like a crime scene.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
