I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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