I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
