hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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