She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
