it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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