i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
