We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
