2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
