I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
