She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
