I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
