I cannot find my penis.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
