I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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