$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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