I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
